त्यो के मान्छे ?


त्यो के मान्छे जो,

यथास्थितीमै दङ्ग परेर

निर्जीव निर्जीव झैँ

मुर्छित मुर्छित झैँ

र्याल काढेर,

अनि आफ्नै र्यालको कोकुनमा

गुटुमुटि डल्लो परेर,

न्यानो मानेर,

बाहिर निस्किन चाहन्न-

पुतली बनेर, उड्न चाहन्न ।


त्यो सुकेको प्याज जस्तै

चम्किलो आवरणको दम्भमा,

कौसीको एउटा खम्बामा,

वा भान्छाको एउटा कुनामा थन्किरहन्छ,

कहिले भुटिएर, कहिले काँचै

कसैको मुखबाट गन्ध बनेर छुट्छ

र कोठाभरि रन्किरहन्छ –

अमिलो र अप्रिय ।


प्याज फुलेको देखेको छौ?

त्यो फुल्ने प्याज बन तिमी !


बर्षौ बुइगलमा थन्केर पनि

एक रात भिज्न पाएमा,

गमक्क फुलेर प्राण झैँ

मुसु मुसु मुस्काउदै

आकाशतीर टुसाउने

तिमी क्वाँटी बन ।



वर्षातमा रुझ्न जाऊ

माटोभीत्र आफ्नो जरा बुझ्न जाऊ

सके जति फूल, फक्र, फल तिमी –

हुरी आउछ, खुब हल्लाउछ,

असिनाले खुब चुट्छ,

तर नझर, कत्ति नगल तिमी  ।


आकाश छुन्छु जस्तै गरेर उम्र तिमी,

चरा हुन्छु जस्तै गरेर उफ्र तिमी

किनकि जिन्दगि जेनतेन बाँचेर

बुढेसकालमा हृदयघातले

उपलब्धिहीन, असन्तुस्ट

मर्नलाई होइन,

गजब गजबका कुराहरु,

गर्नलाई हो!



Ceiling Fan

Like a ceiling fan

with much movement

and work,

and like almost flying,

but still stuck at one place

of nothingness,

and hopeless emptiness.


Like a old rusty version of the fan,

that makes a rattling metallic sound

like its about dreams of his youth,

languishing over the situation.





Why should you be nice to doctors?


A hi fi patient of political background in a government hospital- met with an apparently minor accident- was lying in a bed allocated for ER staffs doing night duties. Well, the privileged one, I said. He’d already been screened for major injuries (none found) by my subordinate when I arrived, and was surrounded by a couple of ‘well wishers’, and he was talking excitedly to someone on mobile. When I reached to examine him, he gestured like a movie star to wait and let him talk, which would take a while.

 I thought ‘what an ass!’ I went away. I came back later to see the patient- after all, its my job, still thinking ‘what an ass’. Now the number of visitors had remarkably increased, who wouldn’t go away despite being asked to make room for examination. I hurriedly did the needful, my mind wondering and wandering over many things, for stimuli- there was plenty. Later, upon cool reflection I realised I could not see and manage the patient as well as I could have, and it was NOT my fault.    

A medical doctor such as me writing this article makes it look kind of vain, but all I am trying to do is state the matters of fact.

Society has regarded doctors highly since forever. Part of it comes from the noble cause they work for- saving lives, healing disease and making people feel better, a part for the meticulous hardships of the profession and a part, for the long hours they ungrudgingly work for.

But mostly, it is a mere psychology- a belief and hope of patient that this doctor will look after me better if I am nice to him. Since medical care is not a commodity with a ‘quality control’, one has to believe in what comes out of the head of the medic. Even with thousands tests and charts to make a diagnosis, clinical assessment by a doctor is still the core of management. And this, a doctor does by going through huge database he’s created in his head while in medical school and years of practice. He has to do that within the little time frame allotted for consultation. And make a presumptive diagnosis, suggest some tests and with some lab guidance thereby obtained, prescribe a suitable medicine- again analysing the side effects, adverse reactions and compatibility of the drug with this particular person. All that done, while tending to patient, nodding head to attendants and smiling. So you wouldn’t want to bring negative thoughts into head of a doctor and bother him with that while he’s trying to solve your problem- while he has intricate details to think of.

Treating a patient is like taking exams- patient asks questions with signs and symptoms, and we treat with answers. And like we’d prefer to take exams in a comfortable environment as far as possible, with as little noise and as few things to bother, we like to be thinking only about treating the patient while treating the patient. We are humans too, we get angry at harsh words, arrogance bothers us too.  We might not hesitate to mop up a bleeding artery, or dissect a putrefied corpse for autopsy, but an uncomprehending unrelenting mob outside the Emergency room makes us nervous too.  Obviously, it is the patient who has to suffer for the whole drama.

Doctor patient relationship is much like being in love. And you can’t force anyone into loving you, you rather sweet talk them to agreement.

Personally I am, all love towards my patients. I work hard, I study so I can help my patients better. I fight with hospital management to improve things in the hospital. And I do understand patients can’t be sugar candy at the time of accidents, troubles, and disease. But it’s a psychological thing, and a smart thing to do- being nice. 

Obsessive Compulsive Stalker


Obsession is a thought you’d very much like to avoid, but that keeps coming back and lingers. And compulsion is the intense urge to do something about it- in order to ease the tension, mitigate the anxiety. Act being here- the stalking.

And by stalking I mean, stalking over the internet- facebook and twitter accounts, instagram- even little applications like whatsapp and viber- just to check if someone’s logged in!

This someone’s usually the ex. You don’t stalk someone you are just attracted to- not that obstinately, for checking out to qualify ‘staliking’ it should be insane. You should be thinking about this person everyday, and all the time when you are free. Like a constant background music to all your activities, her memory’d screw up your psyche so much. Like first thing in the morning and last thing in the night before you fall asleep. Yes, just like love, not just as good.   

Love is like river. Like a river it is important and provides many essential things to life, and to survival. You may drink on love, catch fishes for food, make it a means of transport or even generate electricity. Or just swim. But when the embankment breaks down, it is flood sweeping away houses, destroying roads and mayhem.

And its after unceremonious break ups you stalk, to analyse, realize, summarize and finally paralyze yourself with the matters-of-fact.

How to overcome this unhappy state of mind and move on?

 Its called Exposure and Response prevention therapy. Let the little triggers- just some sub threshold memories agitate you- but don’t stalk still. And gradually, when you think you are doing better- let the stronger, happier and more intense memories intrude. But don’t stalk still- defeat the urge, don’t surrender to the compulsion and once you stop performing the ‘act’ the thoughts will stop coming and haunting you altogether. Good luck!