Bad Habit

-Chirayu Regmi

qwe

You are my choco-pie

Not so sweet

You are my bye bye-

Couldn’t quite do it

You make the background of all I do,

You are the constant music in my head,

You got me hanging by my neck, baby

Till I drop down dead.


Element of my own desire,

you are my funeral pyre,

Smoking my shoulder blade.


You numb my senses,

And kill my wit,

Baby, you are a bad habit,

I really need to quit.

Obsessive Compulsive Stalker

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Obsession is a thought you’d very much like to avoid, but that keeps coming back and lingers. And compulsion is the intense urge to do something about it- in order to ease the tension, mitigate the anxiety. Act being here- the stalking.

And by stalking I mean, stalking over the internet- facebook and twitter accounts, instagram- even little applications like whatsapp and viber- just to check if someone’s logged in!

This someone’s usually the ex. You don’t stalk someone you are just attracted to- not that obstinately, for checking out to qualify ‘staliking’ it should be insane. You should be thinking about this person everyday, and all the time when you are free. Like a constant background music to all your activities, her memory’d screw up your psyche so much. Like first thing in the morning and last thing in the night before you fall asleep. Yes, just like love, not just as good.   

Love is like river. Like a river it is important and provides many essential things to life, and to survival. You may drink on love, catch fishes for food, make it a means of transport or even generate electricity. Or just swim. But when the embankment breaks down, it is flood sweeping away houses, destroying roads and mayhem.

And its after unceremonious break ups you stalk, to analyse, realize, summarize and finally paralyze yourself with the matters-of-fact.

How to overcome this unhappy state of mind and move on?

 Its called Exposure and Response prevention therapy. Let the little triggers- just some sub threshold memories agitate you- but don’t stalk still. And gradually, when you think you are doing better- let the stronger, happier and more intense memories intrude. But don’t stalk still- defeat the urge, don’t surrender to the compulsion and once you stop performing the ‘act’ the thoughts will stop coming and haunting you altogether. Good luck!

Apathy

 

 

Upon dreams and plans

upon reluctance

floating, and just looking at

things, oh so many things I need do.

 

Like stung by a sea snake

and paralyzed

or merely believing in mind

some sort of that happened

glorifying the misery

clinging onto tragedy

like a licence to do nothing.

 

I do nothing!

Nothing about my designs

or hopes or wounds,

or even hunger.

 

 

 

Follow Through in Love

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‘Follow through- complete the act!’ my tennis coach yelled at me some umpteenth time, as the ball hopped out of the court. 

He explained- as important as it is making a good contact with the ball, it is to swing through, carry on the momentum- even after ball is already going in opposite direction- it will give the ball a proper direction and also your shoulder will hurt less.

 

Being in a relationship is wonderful for so many things. Flowers, sweet talks, wines, kisses and fights and everything. But as great as the things might look, it might not work out for stupid reasons. Love’s not a big factor. And unlike the cliche, love’s not enough. To live a life happily, there’s universe of other things that matter.

Thus, as an inevitable outcome, break ups happen- sometimes when you are still in love with the other person. And while love gradually wanes in magnitude, you can’t really stop caring about the other person- how’s she doing, is she okay? 

You want her to be happy. And until you make sure that’s happening- you follow through.

My follow through’s come to an end. Happy to see you happy, Darling!

तिमी आऊ

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__चिरायु रेग्मी

रंगिन बनेर आऊ, या रंगहीन बनेर आऊ

साधु बनेर आऊ, या संगीन बनेर आऊ,

संसार बनेर आऊ, या शून्य बनेर आऊ,

पाप बनेर आऊ, या पुण्य बनेर आऊ ।

 

भिरुले नमन गरेझै, घुंडा धसेर आऊ, या

मुर्मुराऊदै, कराउदै- मुठ्ठी कसेर आऊ,

काली न काली, महाकाली बनेर आऊ,

भयङ्कर  शक्तिशाली बनेर आऊ,

हुंकार गर्दै क्रुद्ध बनेर आऊ, या

चुपचाप बुद्ध बनेर आऊ,

तिमि शान्त शिला बनेर आउ, या

उन्मत्त लिला बनेर आउ।

 

औंसीको कालो बनेर आउ, या

एकदम उज्यालो बनेर आउ,

मुर्ख बनेर आउ, या

वाल्मिकी, वेद व्यास बनेर आउ,

एकनास मिलेको विन्यास बनेर आउ, या

केर मेर, अस्पस्ट अत्यास बनेर आउ।

 

आगतको आशा बनेर आउ, या

पाण्डवको पाशा बनेर आउ,

प्रश्न बनेर आउ, या तिमी

परिभाषा बनेर आउ।

 

कोलाहलमा आउ , कि समाधीमा आउ

पत्झर झै उड्दै तिमी,

आँधीमा आउ !

 

आकुल व्याकुल रातमा आउ, या

फूल लिई अन्जुलिमा,

प्रभातमा आउ।

झम्टिदै अंगालोमा बाँधिन आउ, या

थोरै टाढा बसेर मुस्कुराउ,

दृश्य बनि आउ तिमी , श्रव्य बनि आउ,

गुमराह यो ग्वालोको, गन्तव्य बनि आउ।

 

तिमी  आउ,

यो जीवन जगाउ !

 

 

अप्रेम कविता

 

 

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तिमि बाहेक कोहि छैन,

तर तिमि पनि छैनौँ,

तिम्लाई मात्र हेर्छु भनेको,

तर तिमि देखिदैनौं !

 

 

तिम्रो स्पर्स जस्तो

कुनै कुराले छुदैन,

धेरै धेरै मान्छे तर,

तिमि जस्तो कोहि हुदैन  ।

 

 

मलाई यो कुराहरु,

सजाएर,

छन्द मिलाएर

भन्नु पनि छैन,

किनकि तिमि यति गजब छौ,

तिम्रो बारेमा लेख्दा प्रत्येक शब्द,

आफैं माताल हुन्छ,

किनभने तिमि र अरुहरु,

जब हिसाब गर्छु म,

आकाश पाताल हुन्छ।

 

 

महिनौ दिनसम्म  हामी

झगडा गर्थेम  दिन रात,

अहिले शान्ति छ,

शोकाकुल,

समबेदनाका साथ।

 

आदम्खोरलाई मान्छेले जस्तै,

तिमीले,

अप्राप्यको अनुभूति दिएर सौगात,

आहत/ मर्माहत त होइन  म,

आकुल,  ब्याकुल अलिअलि,

अलिकति अफसोच,  अलिकति बिस्मात ।

 

 

नचाहेको होइन,  नखोजेको होइन,

नभेटेको,  नपाएको पनि होइन,

तर तिमि जस्तो कोहि छैन,

तिमि बाहेक कोहि छैन,

तर तिमि पनि छैन !

_चिरायु रेग्मी

day 2: Things I strongly believe in.

Day 2 of my blogging challenge requires me to write about thing I strongly believe in.

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A thing or some things? I don’t know. 

I am supposed to write about a thing I guess, and I have been trying to think all day, what do I really really believe in?

Gods, I’m kind of religious, I inherited the faith, so I do believe in that. But more than in religion I believe in religious tolerance. I  am hindu because I was born in a hindu family, as simple as that. I could have been born of any other faith, and I believe my Gods, from Sun to Shiva and Jesus and Allah and Buddha, they take care of us all. We call them different names, just like water is called different things in different languages, but we it quenches thirst of every throat.

It is something divine, we pray to. My prayers have been answered many times.

I believe in Love. When someone says love’s the ultimate thing, source of true happiness, I do believe in that. Because I have loved and known that first hand. So I believe in love and that it makes you do wonders. And I believe that unrequited love can make people go crazy too. I believe in its strength.

I believe in certain abstract things too. Little ones. Miracles too. I believe in what this guy Paulo Coelho  said- if you really want something, the whole universe conspires in your favor. I believe if you catch a leaf falling off the tree, it brings you good luck. I believe in happy coincidences. I believe if you are a good man, no bad things should happen to you. I even believe that if you tell your broken laptop you will treat it better, it will fix itself!

I believe for an ailing patient in hospital, more love and care you show, more are his chances of survival, better chance of getting well soon. I have seen that first hand, many cases.  

These are my funny assumptions, rather difficult to understand.

And even if all these things prove to be wrong, just my mistaken point of view, there’s one thing I can totally believe in, myself. And I do believe in myself.

 I know I am not a genius, and if I stop working hard, stop making efforts, lucky flukes will soon run short, and I will become an insignificant nothing.  I procrastinate a lot, I do things I shouldn’t do, and I avoid things I should be doing (actually, I’m doing just that nowadays), but I believe I can resurrect myself from the low, do the right things, make myself what I really ought to be. I have been in a vacation, for too long now, I was working but not really working, not doing things the best I could. I haven’t tired myself, I haven’t worn myself out, I haven’t tried hard enough. But I really should, make life worth it. I can, I believe in that.

 

.Determination